Year's End

I don't watch every show, but I watch a lot of shows.  Certainly more than your average Emmy or Golden Globe voter.  Here are my 2013 made up winners for my made up categories.

Biggest laugh
"I have decided to do a puzzle." - Winston
"All In"
New Girl
It took me longer to recover from this line than anything else on television.  I probably laughed for 5-10 minutes.  Out of context, it doesn't make much sense.  In context, I'm not sure it makes any more sense.

Favorite single episode
"Decoy"
Justified
The best western made since the Magnificent Seven.  Paired with "Get Drew" you have 90 minutes of a movie. 

Biggest and best single episode
"The Rains of Castamere"
Game of Thrones
So much is already said about this episode.  The only other contenders are probably a few episodes from Breaking Bad

Most important episode
"World War Zimmerman"
South Park
If you have 22 minutes and only 22 minutes to watch television from 2013, watch this episode.  And if you can only watch one scene, watch Mr. Garrison mediate between Token and Cartman.

Best insult
Both of these come from Veep, whose insult-laden, incompetent, self-interested Washington is a much more accurate representation than what we see on The West Wing

Furlong: What is it you move slower than?
Will: I move as slowly as a Mississippi detective investigating the murder of a young black man.
Veep "D.C"

Honorable mention:
"What are you laughing at, jolly green jizzface?" - Selena, Veep "The Vic Allen Dinner"

Best overall season (tie)
Justified
Season Four
This one's here as my favorite season.  Rather than introduce a new villain or big bad to take us from 1 to 13, we explore new avenues of marshalling with Raylan where he tries to solve a mystery, operating largely in the already established universe of Harlan, KY.  Other strengths include a side plot featured in the premiere then revisited mid-season, and Boyd's, largely separate until it wasn't anymore, storyline.

Breaking Bad
Season Five-B
This one's here as the, objectively, best season in television in 2013.  Barney Stinson says a good mix should be "all rise" (rather than rise and fall) and that's what this season did.  Gilligan put his foot on the gas, immediately bringing Walt and Hank to a head and then keeping it there through Walt literally slamming his foot on the gas and confessing in "To'hajiilee" until he regroups in "Granite State" and redeems himself to the extent possible in "Felina"

Worst overall season
Community
Season Four
Often when a show undergoes big creative changes, complaints can still be tempered with "it's not what it was but it's still better than most other shows."  That was not the case here, as Community, at best, attempted an impersonation of the real Community.  The darkest timeline was the one where we had to watch these episodes.

I'm cautiously optimistic though about the return of Harmon-helmed shows in January.

Best death
Catelyn Stark
Game of Thrones

Tara Knowles  
Sons of Anarchy
(runner up)

Best new character to an existing show
Bob Benson
Mad Men
Did anyone provoke as much thought and discussion as this guy?

Honorable Mention:
Oleanna Redwyne, the Queen of Thorns
Game of Thrones

Best new show
I'd say House of Cards narrowly edges Ray Donovan, but living in DC, I'm biased.

Worst returning character
Carrie - Homeland
Started so well.  Then fell so far jeopardizing missions and assaulting expired ponies

Worst returning ensemble
Modern Family 
The Dunphy branch is largely excluded, but the Pritchard branches are nearly unwatchable.  "She's hot!  He's gay!  HAHAHA!"  Despite being a single camera quasi-mockumentary, this show most resembles one written with a laugh track in mind.

Best prop
Ben's Jumbo Mug
Veep

Best short term storyline
Carrie in the nuthous
Homeland

Worst short term storyline
Rehabbing Brody
Homeland
But it was necessary to do so to achieve the end result

Best season long storyline
A bag of money in a wall
Justified

Worst season long storyline
Phillip and Elizabeth's marital up and down
The Americans

Best character scene
Small council
"The Walk of Punishment"
Game of Thrones 

Honorable mention:
Constable Bob and Yolo
Justified

Best reality moment
Hayden throws down at Tribal Council on Survivor
They draw rocks for only the second time in nearly thirty seasons

Most surprising revelation (tie)
Carrie and Saul's nuthouse plan 
Homeland

Irene Adler is Moriarty
Elementary

Least surprising revelation
Ray was molested too
Ray Donovan

Redeemable moment in an unpleasant character
Pete giving Harry what for following the MLK assassination
"The Flood"
Mad Men

MVP
The character who kills every scene and single handedly brings up the overall quality of the show.  The nominees are...

Raylan Givens
Justified
You run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole.  You run into assholes all day, you're the asshole"

“You run into an asshole in the morning: you ran into an asshole. You run into assholes all day: you’re the asshole.” – Raylan Givens. - See more at: http://brandnewcool.com/2013/01/08/hole-in-the-wall-favorite-moments-and-more-from-justified/#sthash.MSIoGZBj.dpuf

Always good for a quote about assholes.  For how he dealt with his father dying and his baby being on the way.  He showed ambition for the first time as well as considerable depth and incredible acting (think scene in front of the elevators).  Raylan doesn't fall into the anti-hero lead category that is on the verge of being cliche if more poorly formed versions pop up. He is a more traditional 'hero' albeit with deep flaws, yet still intensely likeable.  And tied together the best plot of 2013. 

Ygritte
Game of Thrones 
"You know nothing, Jon Snow"  
The refrain of the year.  She's hilarious and badass and incredibly astute.  Ygritte elevates the entire North of the Wall storyline in a way Tyrion did in Kings' Landing in Season Two.  Picking an MVP from the cast of Game of Thrones could prove an exercise in futility, but Ygritte made it surprisingly easy.


Saul Berenzen
Homeland
"When it's over it's over. Pull down the shades and go home."
The above quote could well be advice to Homeland as a series.  "The Maestro" had the opportunity and resources to implement his grand vision for moving forward United States foreign relations with a certain country, and it just so happened to settle an old score of his.  Audacious in his vision, yet till hardened enough to do what it took to accomplish the end game.  If Saul's not back next season, we can take comfort in the fact that he did get to play his opus on the grandest stage.

And the winner....

Jesse Pinkman
Breaking Bad 
"Can you just, uh, stop working me for, like, ten seconds straight? Stop jerking me around?

For being the soul and conscience of a show that turned the protagonist into Scarface and gave us a rooting interest we could all agree upon.  Put through the wringer and beat up worse than Ben was in Lost, we can all hope and pretend that he just sped out those gates and kept driving all the way to Alaska.

And so, we close with HBO's annual year-end trailer.  No one does it better than them.